I Almost Died in a Walmart


Tornadoes are not something you usually worry about in Wisconsin in November.  This time of year we worry more about blizzards and hitting deer with our vehicles.  That all changed today.

With Henry being at my parents and Ben off working, I decided to take the opportunity to get a little Target dwelling done.  Not feeling too well, I slowly made my way through Target finding everything I need and then some.  Mom had asked me to pick her up a few things and sadly Target didn’t have one of them.  Very hesitantly I asked her if she wanted me to go across the street to Walmart for her iced coffee drink.  Knowing that I hate Walmart, I hoped she’d say no, but not so lucky.  She was in desperate need of her fufu coffee.

It takes a lot for me to step foot in Walmart.  I can’t stand the place or the clientele.  Target is far classier and cleaner.  Anyway, when I left Target I loaded my car in the middle of a monsoon.  At this point I thought about just ignoring the fact that I got my moms pleading text for her fufu coffee, but yesterday she brought me items from the store.  Getting her coffee was really the right thing to do.

After arriving at Walmart I sat in the car for a good ten minutes, waiting for the rain to calm down.   Thanks to this wonderful alert, I bolted out the door, stomped threw puddles and headed in to Walmart.


Something you should know about me before I continue.  My imagination is very vivid and extreme at times.  It’s also been known to be melodramatic and I may or may not be a hypochondriac.

Continuing on.  As I walked in, the entire store was completely calm.  No one was running around in a panic.  Had they not seen the iPhone weather service alert?  Was I the only person in Walmart who carried an iPhone?  My brain started going crazy.  What do I do?  Where do I hide?  Do I shop and leave?  Should I go to Customer Service?  Someone help me!!

I aimlessly walked through the store contemplating my move.  While taking a walk down a random aisle this older gentleman must have noticed the disturbed look on my face.  He said to me, “You just get the alert too.”  I responded “yes” as I walked on.  Stopped in my tracks and said, “I wonder where the safest place to hide is.”  He chuckled, I chuckled and on I went texting everyone I knew that I was going to die in Walmart.

Megan called to see what I’d do to which I responded cry while trying to pick out the perfect sippy cup.  Side note:  I so badly want to get HD off bottles that I’m bound to find the perfect sippy.  He takes a sippy just fine, but he’s a milk chugger so the sippy we have is too fast for him.  Luckily, in my panicked state, I think I found the perfect one!  At least Walmart’s good for something.

I tried calling Ben three times.  He didn’t answer.  My mom sent some smartass response about showing Henry my picture everyday until he gets a new stepmom.  Katie and Megan kept me up to date with weather alerts.  Ashley couldn’t believe I left Target.

Finally, the siren started going off and I nearly lost it.  What the hell was I going to do?  Ben text me and told me to head to the bathroom.  Why didn’t I think of this?  Oh yes, because the bathroom at Walmart shouldn’t be visited unless a dyer emergency (this did constitute as an emergency).  As I headed toward the bathroom a young gal comes over the intercom telling us all to head to the middle of the store.  The middle of the store?  Right because that’s real safe!

Here are some conversations I overheard while standing with the Walmart population for what seemed like forever:

Worker:  “Don’t worry people, this isn’t the safest spot, but at least we’re all together.”
Worker 2:  “At least we’re not in hardware.  That would result in a screwdriver through the eye.”
Random Woman:  “Someone page my mom.  She’s 76 and probably peed herself freaking out.”
Random Person:  “I’m stuck in the middle of Walmart waiting out a tornado.”
Worker 2:  “I’ve lived here all my life.  The tornadoes alway miss us.  (I thought, there’s a first for everything).  Plus the tornado that hit a Walmart in Northern Wisconsin wasn’t a complete loss.  The outer wall was still standing.”
Worker 3:  “Let’s find that wall”
Random Person:  “Why can’t we go to the bathroom?  It’s safe there.”
Customer Service Woman:  “They made us leave Customer Service which is next to the bathroom.  They told us to come to the middle of the store for a reason.”
IMG_6311                                 IMG_6310

After what seemed like an eternity we got the all clear.  I booked it to the iced coffee area, checked out and headed toward home.  As I was driving, I got another alert.


Notice how some people had sun at their houses!

Needless to say, I was extremely happy when I made it to my parents where I could take cover safely if needed and my daddy would protect me.  In the end, I didn’t die in Walmart.  I learned a lot about panic as a mother and how your mind really races during intense situations.  Never do I want to die in Walmart.  If I’m going to go while shopping, I’d rather it be at Target!

Lucky to spend an overly dramatic day with my two favorite boys

Lucky to spend an overly dramatic day with my two favorite boys


2 thoughts on “I Almost Died in a Walmart

  1. I think I would have died. I always overreact when it comes to storms. My neighbor is the same way and we have a plan that if there is a warning her family will come in my basement. Also I feel the same way about Target / Walmart.

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